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| Clooney conquers nocturnal incontinence |
| Tuesday January 24 2006 |
| By our L.A. correspondent Tornado Dogfright. |
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| George Clooney: plastic bedsheets |
| In a move that seemed to hover on the line between brave and foolish, George Clooney held a press conference to publicly admit that he has for years suffered from nocturnal incontinence, or as it is more commonly known, bedwetting. |
| In what proved to be a highly moving speech, Clooney joked about his relief at no longer having to sleep on plastic bedsheets, and expressed his deep gratitude for his friends and family for the support they had provided in his hour of need. By the time he had finished, even Charlie Sheen was unable to hold back the tears. In coming forward so publicly, and discussing so honestly what many would see as an extremely embarrassing matter, Clooney has comitted one of the greatest acts of courage this journalist has ever seen. Mr Clooney, we salute you. Long may your bedsheets stay dry. |
| "For years I suffered in silence," an emotional Clooney told a packed conference room. "I was overcome by feelings of guilt and self loathing. But after conquering my problem I have realised that this is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope that by speaking to you today I can send a message of hope to other sufferers, to let them know that they are not alone |
| All stories are fictional and use of real names is intended satirically. |