The penguin, a flightless sea bird of the southern hemisphere, shouted at Crowe to look where he was going, then began following him down the street, hurling abuse and dildoes, one of which struck the actor in the eye. At this point a fight broke out, during which Crowe reportedly suffered a black eye, a broken nose, three cracked ribs, a fractured elbow, a punctured lung and irreversible brain damage, though it is possible that that was there already. The penguin was apparently unharmed.
A spokeswoman for Russell Crowe, who looked suspiciously like Russell Crowe in a dress and wig, made the following statement outside the hospital: "The idea that I - I mean that Russell Crowe - could be beaten up by a single penguin is fuckin' ridiculous. There were at least fifty of them. And they had baseball bats. Plus there was a polar bear. Christ, this wig is itchy."
Meanwhile, the penguin has been offered a six figure sum for the rights to his autobiography, to be entitled 'I Kicked Russell Crowe's Arse.' There is also talk of a movie adaptation, starring Will Ferrell as Russell Crowe, and Nicole Kidman as the penguin. |
