Professor Hasselhoff's claims are supported by a recent study published by the Guttenberg Foundation. The study uses hypothetical statistics to show that without Steve Guttenberg there would be 300% more war in the world. "It's amazing," said Olaf Hendersson, a psychiatric patient and registered sex offender, and although he failed to specify what it was that he found so amazing, we are pretty sure he meant Steve Guttenberg.
Not everyone is as keen to jump on the Steve Guttenbandwagon. Boxer Mike Tyson had this to say: "Steve Guttenberg is nothing! I trample all over shit like him! I'm gonna rip out his heart and feed it to him! He's gonna scream like my wife! He's as good as dead! You hear me, Guttenberg? I'm coming for you! I'm gonna eat your children!"
However, the biggest obstacle to Steve Guttenberg accepting the prize may be Guttenberg himself. "I don't know if I'm going to go through with this," he told a bartender. "I mean, I've already been burned by the Nobel committee once. I don't want it to happen again." |
