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| Winona: I will kill again. |
| Tuesday January 3 2006 |
| By our L.A. correspondent Tornado Dogfright. |
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| Winona Ryder: the face of death? |
| Police are currently investigating Winona Ryder after an interview was published in which she claims to have killed at least six people. |
| When asked if she was serious, Ryder continued, "Oh yeah. I've already killed, like, six people, and I'm pretty sure I will kill again." She also claimed that four of the bodies were buried under Matt Damon's house, and that Damon himself had assisted with some of the killings. |
| Ms Ryder's agent Jerzy Copacobana quickly issued a statement denying any criminal acts had been committed by his client, claiming that the comments in the interview had simply been taken out of context. This has not deterred LAPD detective John Warner from pursuing an investigation. Meanwhile, reporter Joe Fatuli, who conducted the original interview, appears to have disappeared without a trace. "I don't get it," said Rolling Stone editor Carrie Wertz. "Right after we received the Winona Ryder piece he just vanished. Didn't even leave a note to say where he was going." |
| In the interview, which appeared in Rolling Stone magazine, Ryder was discussing her new film Bitch Street (a romantic comedy co-starring rapper LBW). When she was asked what she liked to do for fun Ryder responded, "oh, you know, killing people and stuff." |
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| Matt Damon: make one yourself out of papier mache! |
| All stories are fictional and use of real names is intended satirically. |